Life's little Frustrations

I married a Behaviorist. You may wonder what that exactly means. Well, it's someone that believes that evrything in life should be about ellicting and extiquishing responses to get the behavior that you want.
I've been with the same man for over 19 years. Because he's a behaviorist, we can't/don't have make up sex. Why? He believes that if you "reward" fights with sex, it will encourage more fights to have more sex. What is has really done to our marriage, is that when fights are over, you're just left with an empty feeling. The fight may be over, but the resentment and confusion remains. There is no "good" feeling that signifies that the fight is TRULY over. In the last 19 years, we've had makeup sex, once, about a year ago. I have to admit that it was some of the best sex that we've had in 5 years. How I got lucky that one time, I really don't know. Likely won't happen again - it might set up that pattern that we fight more (sheesh - like that can happen!)
When my kids are married, I'm going to encourage make-up sex because it's good for a relationship to do something so intimate (and that feels good) to end something that felt so bad.

Speaking of sex, I think we've actually had sex only 3 or 4 times this whole year. The last 2 times being just this month, and to be honest, a complete waste of my time! First off, I don't hit the big "O" anymore. It's like he forgot who he was with. Second, I don't have any true romantic feelings for him. I don't have a lot of respect for him. We don't go out, we don't go dancing (probably one of the things I like to do more than anything else), we don't spend anytime together. Every night, he goes to the basement and watches TV, I read, help kids with their homework and watch TV in the bedroom. It's too cold downstairs for me. Third, I'm always put on extinction. I get pretty much ignored whenever I do something that he doesn't like - which is most times, it seems.

I need to make a life of my own, either with him (likely) or without him (unlikely). I'm becoming depressed (no, never enough to do something stupid). i NEVER expected to be 42 and in a completely passionless marriage. It is my children that keep me going...