Life's little Frustrations

I married a Behaviorist. You may wonder what that exactly means. Well, it's someone that believes that evrything in life should be about ellicting and extiquishing responses to get the behavior that you want.
I've been with the same man for over 19 years. Because he's a behaviorist, we can't/don't have make up sex. Why? He believes that if you "reward" fights with sex, it will encourage more fights to have more sex. What is has really done to our marriage, is that when fights are over, you're just left with an empty feeling. The fight may be over, but the resentment and confusion remains. There is no "good" feeling that signifies that the fight is TRULY over. In the last 19 years, we've had makeup sex, once, about a year ago. I have to admit that it was some of the best sex that we've had in 5 years. How I got lucky that one time, I really don't know. Likely won't happen again - it might set up that pattern that we fight more (sheesh - like that can happen!)
When my kids are married, I'm going to encourage make-up sex because it's good for a relationship to do something so intimate (and that feels good) to end something that felt so bad.

Speaking of sex, I think we've actually had sex only 3 or 4 times this whole year. The last 2 times being just this month, and to be honest, a complete waste of my time! First off, I don't hit the big "O" anymore. It's like he forgot who he was with. Second, I don't have any true romantic feelings for him. I don't have a lot of respect for him. We don't go out, we don't go dancing (probably one of the things I like to do more than anything else), we don't spend anytime together. Every night, he goes to the basement and watches TV, I read, help kids with their homework and watch TV in the bedroom. It's too cold downstairs for me. Third, I'm always put on extinction. I get pretty much ignored whenever I do something that he doesn't like - which is most times, it seems.

I need to make a life of my own, either with him (likely) or without him (unlikely). I'm becoming depressed (no, never enough to do something stupid). i NEVER expected to be 42 and in a completely passionless marriage. It is my children that keep me going...

Little Boy Husbands

I married the typical LBH (Little Boy Husband). He expects dinner to magically get done, doesn't think making dinner or helping to make dinner is his job. My other big peeve - he thinks that whenever something is gone, I should make sure it's re-stocked, without anyone telling me that the item was gone in the first place.
Case in point, just this week alone. Monday he tells me that the milk is just about gone, but then has a fit when I don't have some in the house on Monday night and I tell him that he can't drink any because I need it for my breakfast and there's other things in the house that he can drink that I can't. You know, we both are pretty much working 5 days a week, we both have the same hours on the weekend (and typically he has more because he doesn't often do VB stuff)
Tonight we have a fight because he said he would make dinner and then comes home and tells the kids that we have some time before dinner because I haven't made it yet. After dinner, he takes off to Sam's even though he knows that I'm going on Friday. (LBH passive-aggressive bull shit)
I had a friend on Friday ask me why I'm married to him, and honestly, I don't know why. It's been over 3 months since we had sex, I don't find him physically or emotionally attractive anymore, and we generally don't like each other.
So, why do we stayed married? It's because we have kids that we can't tollerate the idea of not seeing everyday. I can't afford to be a single parent and give my 2 kids the things that I want them to have. The money is likely the bigger reason. I like my house, my parents gave us 20K so we could have this house - house prices are so high, it would be hard for either one of us to afford a similiar house.
I can't believe how terribly lonely I am. I would rather just be alone that be lonely. Every night, he goes downstairs and watches TV, I go to our room and watch TV, take a bath and go to bed. My life is my kids, sadly, its that pure and simple, there is no me, there is just them...

And now it's over...

I actually ended my fast Friday morning with a trip to Perkins for breakfast with a friend. It felt good to eat, but I wasn't all that hungry. I wasn't hungry for lunch on Friday, and didn't eay much until dinner when I had a great steak (which I didn't eat it all) and spaghetti squash (which was delicious!)
I ended up losing 4#, had some great runs and some great weight lifting sessions. Overall, I felt great, and was glad I went through the experience. It said that when you were truly detoxed, your stools should be pretty light in color (which they were). I almost wasn't pooping any more - because there wasn't anything to poop?
I think I will do this again, maybe after the first of the year, of just before Thanksgiving. I noticed that I'm not very hungry, Diet Coke (one of my favorite drinks for the last 20 years) doesn't taste very good, sweets and junk doesn't have much of an appeal to me, my portions are smaller, AND I seem to get "tipsy" pretty darn easy. (I made myself a cranberry and vodka and in a few sips I was feeling it!)

Day 4 - where's the chicken?

Ok, so I'm on Day 4. Still not completely going cold-turkey on food, but, i'm still feeling really good! Thing is, I keep smelling chicken - specifically, fried chicken like my mom used to make. I read on another Master Cleanse Blog that this is common. i'm seriously thinking that Monday after I finish this thing, or maybe Saturday night for dinner, i'm having CHICKEN!
Nothing black and tarry coming out, actually, there's not much coming out because, I believe, there's not much going in.
I do have a great energy level. I actually ran a few sprints this morning at 7 MPH - something I don't think i've ever done (well not since I was a kid, anyways!)
I am kind of hungry, and have turned to drinking herbal tea just for something different. I really only have t more full days (Wednesday, and Thursday) and I'm done with what I agreed to do...

Day 3 - Master Cleanse?

Ok, so I didn't do all that well yesterday skipping solid food - I did try. (I just don't have the willpower - it doesn't help that when my hubby is around, it seems like all we do is munch all day long)
I did wake up 2# lighter yesterday (day 2). I'm expecting some BIG clean, but when's it goin' happen? I expected some gross tarry stuff to come out of me by now, but it pretty much looks like the same ol' poop, maybe a little lighter in color (Sorry to be so graphic, but I don't know how to explain it any other way...)
I didn't take it as a good sign that I woke up this morning with a migraine starting and my left eye "gunked" shut. Yesterday my urine was pratically clear, today's more like the color of straw. Maybe it has something to do that I actually ate a small quanity of solid food.
I think it's too soon, and i'm not trying hard enough to see some dramatic change...

The Master Cleanse - Day1

Sometimes, right when I think I'm ovulating, by body kind of shuts down, and I'm in MAJOR pain (believe me, my last labor was easier!) I've decided it's time to do a "colon blow". I'm a serious meat and dairy eater, and for the last couple of years, all you hear about is how many hormones and crap those foods are full of. It made me wonder how toxic exactly are my insides. My hubby's been telling me about this colon cleanse for a few weeks now, and I'm met a few people who said that they felt better after a serious bowel and kidney cleansing. So, I'm giving it a try. I went to the wholefoods store on Thursday and bought the stuff I needed and pretty much started this morning. Here's a link to what I'm doing..

http://www.lifetrainingonline.com/blog/lemonade-diet-recipe.htm

I don't plan on going the whole 10 days, more like 6. I'll try to post an update every few days to let everyone know what it's like (not like anyone but me is reading this...)

I will say that I don't necessarily like the lemonade with the cayenne. After the first glass, I've been taking the cayenne on a spoon before I drink a glass of the stuff. I will admit, that within the first 2 hours, I had the incredible urge to pee - you figure 32oz of liquid in, must mean 32 oz of liquid out.
I will also admit that I hope this causes my metabolism to "rev" up and I want to lose weight while doing this. Earlier, I noticed that I was down about 1.5# since this morning's weigh in. I kind of think if I get out all the stuff blocking the walls of my intestines, they will work better to digest food.
I haven't been able to go "cold turkey" in regards of food. I will tell you that I past up the free jumbo muffin at Sam's this morning. (I'm kind of proud of that) So far today, I've had half a graham cracker, a small handful of dry roasted peanuts, and a few baked wheat thins. I have to keep in mind that if this drops me down to a smaller size of jeans, going without food for a week will be worth it!

Mean Girls Suck!

Why, as a society are we creating so many mean girls? I can be honest enough to say, that I can see where mean girls are created by overzealous moms, who believe cliques are the way to future success. OK, I'm sure that's just one of the many causes of "mean girls". I watch time and time again, where one girl (who is given perceived power by either her parents or her peers) will target another girl. The first girl (girl #1) is either intimidated by girl #2, or girl #1's life is so crappy, that the only way she can feel good about herself, is by making someone else feel bad. It's so sad that people get joy out of hurting someone. Maybe it's a combination of a crappy life and intimidation. Mean girls need to walk in the foot steps of their victims...

Today's Journey

So, here I am, the first post of this thing called Daffy's Life. So far my morning started in the gym, the way it normally does 6 days of the week. Played with my new dog, and ate some breakfast (egg on toast, not biggie) Completely ignored by my hubby, I think i'm depressed and don't really know it... This is A Daffy little thing called Life...